I am working on a project for someone. They have some letters of recommendation that need to be scanned in to the computer. I got to reading them and it just solidified my lack of understanding for using them unless asked. I have not ONCE been asked for references or letters to prove I need to be hired.

I like to believe I live in a world where one's art speaks for itself, not some piece of paper that ANYONE could have written for you. I'd like to believe that, but I know better.

Sometimes it really gets to me that I don't perform anywhere NEAR as much as most of the people I know do. I know it's mostly my own fault for being so damn procrastinative. (I don't think that is a word. Spell checker agrees.) However, it still sucks BUT I get to create and that keeps me happy. I don't want to be rich, just not worry. I think I have found that so far. Will someone shake the magic 8 ball and tell me what's next?

The more I think about it, the more I don't like the concept of magic distributors. I understand they serve a purpose and fill a need, but I think too many middlemen can be a bad thing.

Magic is a weird animal. If you are not with the "in" crowd, you miss out on a lot.

Bizzaro.

A few things...

Last night I did an effect in which a chosen cards end up on a milk carton replacing the photo of a missing child. (it's funnier than it reads) In the grand scheme of things it's a nothing effect BUT it got a great reaction. Now it's probably because of the structure of the effect and possibly my performance style, but it just amuses me that something so simple plays SO well.

Also, completely unrelated to the above, 30+ years in the making, yet no one had ever figured it out. Why am I the guy?

Bizzaro.

I have apparently lost my will to do magic anymore. This last week in New Jersey made me just... not care anymore. Quite possibly the blame lies on the fact I am still not feeling well from getting sick out there, but if that was any indication of the kind of stuff that touring and doing magic for a living in the long run has in store... I think I need a break.

Bizzaro.

So tonight I was talking to a friend of mine about how I don't understand how some performers can look at their material and think, "good enough is good enough".

How could you not want your material to be the best it can be? I just don't fucking get it. I police my stuff pretty heavily and always looking at it to see how it can be the best it can be.

Most of my personal contact with magicians has been with like minded performers who strive to make their art the best it can be. Talking theory and new methods and... and... now.... Vegas. 4 good shows and about 5-7 BAD ones. Ones that can be improved by SIMPLE things, but they don't, nay WON'T do anything about it.

I'm not saying my magic is the end all be all and hold it up as an example but damn...

I guess the best way to look at it is: the more they suck the better I look... but the more magic as a whole suffers in the eyes of others.

Cest' la vie