Sometimes I feel like a big ol' Hypocrite. As much as I am against the capitalism mind set of the magic community, I still sell my ideas just like everyone else. If I truly practiced what I preached I would give away my products and secrets... however when in Rome, is it right to do what the Romans do?

I know from experience how easy it is to make a quick buck off the wholesalers. It's quick cash, especially if you have a known name. I do try to keep my prices down to keep them in the range of affordability for those interested. I don't mass market everything I release. However, there are times when I feel no better than those whose interests fall well beyond that of furthering the art.

I don't think there is a right answer. I suppose I just have to keep my eyes to the front and keep it all in perspective.

The entertainment business is a fickle bitch. There are times I consider just focusing on my other interests. I wonder if magic is going to pan out the way I hope. After so many years of trying so very hard to do what I do, I wonder if it's all worth it.

This business has so many games you have to play. So many hoops they want you to jump thru. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel right? I mean we are spoonfed happy endings and hard work and faith will get you thru life... but that's not the truth is it. The cold terrible truth is sometimes, it's just not in the cards for you to win.. ever. At least it feels that way from time to time.

Why is it so many hack egomaniacs get farther than those who just wanna make the world a brighter place? Simple. Us artist types are easy to overlook, step on, and sometimes lack the fundamental business drive that drives this business. It sucks too. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I know there is a market for everything... but finding it is a hard battle. Trying to stand out from the crowd works great and might get you some admiration (if yer into that sort of thing) but if you don't know how to apply it and no one wants to lend a helping hand... well yer kinda screwed.

One of my biggest pseudo-fears is that I will be more appreciated after I am dead than alive. Like Van Gogh or The Ramones. I know it's silly, but this business will do that to you. It's why so many other performers have other jobs or just up and leave and make better money doing Red Skelton impersonations. On has to wonder... is this the right course of action?

Alas, the only person who knows that answer... is us.

I suppose introductions are in order...

Let me tell you a little about me and what this journal is going to be about. The other wordy place I keep is geared towards ranting and advice to others with the occasional bit of silly thrown in for good measure. It was never meant to be about me in any way shape or form... merely those things I dubbed worthy of my mention, as it were.

This place will be on the flip side of that concept. Here you will read my thoughts about the journey thru my chosen field. How I feel, why I feel so, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Let's start off with a little introduction shall we?

Greetings. My name is Bizzaro and I love magic. It's true. I love the concept of creating and solving problems to create unique visuals that will bring elation to someone else. Mind you I am not too keen on many of my co-workers. Those who are perpetrating the stereotype and taking two steps back for every one the rest of us accomplish.

People often ask someone in my field what got one into the field of prestidigitation. I tell them the reason one gets into it and the reason one stays are usually two totally different accounts. I personally stick around because I like to make other people happy. It is my purpose. (Mind you, I am not so lost in this so-called purpose that I lose sight of my own happiness in the process) So I plod on forward, in hopes that my efforts go noticed and some people come away feeling better and maybe their eyes a little more open.

Ever seen the movie V for Vendetta? If not, stop reading this and go rent, buy, download, etc this film. It ranks right up there with Pump up the Volume and SLC Punk for movies that might just squeegee your third eye open to certain ideals and concepts.

The idea of being passionate and standing up for something you believe in is lost in our society today. Too easy to give in for fear of retribution in some form or another. Never and I repeat this with every fiber in my little black heart, NEVER give up what you believe in because someone else might say so. Nothing will EVER stop me from saying what I feel or expressing what I believe. Nothing short of death will prevent me from expressing myself in the way I choose.

Are my views right? Hell no. Are they wrong? Only if you disagree with them. However if you leave me be, I won't tread on you. There is a place for all of us, however small that place might be. All we need is an inch of space to stand, and with that inch we can stand for so much in ourselves and the world around us.

I have no illusions as to what I do. I am an entertainer. Nothing more. I will never cure some great disease with card tricks, but maybe I can ease the pain and suffering of someone for just a moment because I believe in something far greater than the patch of land in which I stand at the moment.

This is my place to keep these thoughts. If you find something you like, keep it close to your heart. Never forget to be true to who you are and never give up, never surrender.

Be whoever you are...

Bizzaro.