Today I have slipped boldly from angst to anger. The three stages of magic. The third remains to be seen.
Bizzaro.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
No talking, just head...
I was talking to another performer today and it hit me. I don't think I have the right mind set to work in the entertainment business. I don't desire the same goals as other people. Money isn't my motivation. The things I want are just too... easy. I want to do something I enjoy and get paid to do it, and share it with someone.
I am doing that. However, I would like to do more of the former. I would like to work more, however I suck at the business side of things. I however do not desire a nice house or car or stacks of cash. Just wanna make a living. Nothing fancy required. Problem is, in this business that don't fly. You have to have goals, and projected income, and something that drives you other than... art.
So I am heavily considering just focusing my interests in a new direction and pursuing something else like voice acting. I just don't seem to be cut out for the games that people play in the business.
We shall see....
Bizzaro.
I am doing that. However, I would like to do more of the former. I would like to work more, however I suck at the business side of things. I however do not desire a nice house or car or stacks of cash. Just wanna make a living. Nothing fancy required. Problem is, in this business that don't fly. You have to have goals, and projected income, and something that drives you other than... art.
So I am heavily considering just focusing my interests in a new direction and pursuing something else like voice acting. I just don't seem to be cut out for the games that people play in the business.
We shall see....
Bizzaro.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I can see clearly now..
The clouds are gone. They have descended upon me and devoured my dreams.
.. or some goth/emo shit like that. It's funny, I was thinking about something today whilst brushing my teeth. I realized I am a novelty novelty act. Magic is indeed a novelty to most people and my approach is even more so. To try and stand out in a sea of mediocrity is one thing, but to be lost in it is another. Sometimes being able to fit into a defined space... a neat tidy little box has it's advantages.
I watch performers like this and realize what I am up against. Not the magician himself but the world's perception of what I do for a living. I refuse to do the whole "lookit me, I'ma majishen" thing... and I'm not cute enuff to pull off dove magic. In all honesty, if I was willing to work as hard at the business side of things as I am the art side, I'd prolly be ok.
I don't try and second guess myself about what I do, but sometimes these things worm their way into your head and you have to ride it out. Doubt is the whorespring from which there is no return should you immerse yourself in it.
"These dreams go on when I close my eyes" - Heart
Bizzaro.
.. or some goth/emo shit like that. It's funny, I was thinking about something today whilst brushing my teeth. I realized I am a novelty novelty act. Magic is indeed a novelty to most people and my approach is even more so. To try and stand out in a sea of mediocrity is one thing, but to be lost in it is another. Sometimes being able to fit into a defined space... a neat tidy little box has it's advantages.
I watch performers like this and realize what I am up against. Not the magician himself but the world's perception of what I do for a living. I refuse to do the whole "lookit me, I'ma majishen" thing... and I'm not cute enuff to pull off dove magic. In all honesty, if I was willing to work as hard at the business side of things as I am the art side, I'd prolly be ok.
I don't try and second guess myself about what I do, but sometimes these things worm their way into your head and you have to ride it out. Doubt is the whorespring from which there is no return should you immerse yourself in it.
"These dreams go on when I close my eyes" - Heart
Bizzaro.
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