Sometimes I get really depressed and/or angry watching people who have little to no regard for magic or entertainment, stepping on others to get the fame/ attention they so desperately crave.

Then it just gets worse when I realize I will never go much further with my career because I am not motivated or damaged enough. On the upside I can sleep really well knowing I am not a scumbag taker who preys upon the generosity of others.

I think in the shower a lot. Tonight I realized that successful people are exploited people. They have some trait that make them desirable by others who want something from them. I clearly have nothing to exploit in the eyes of the world.

With that said, I have decided to stop expending my time and resources on my performing career. I will keep doing it but I won't "advertise" as it were. Call it a soft-retirement. I haven't been happy with my career or the state of the entertainment world in a couple years. Thus I have recently decided to instead focus on prop building. It brings me the same joy with less of the frustrations.

I feel I accomplished a lot of what I set out to do with magic and it's time to do other things. Guess it's time to see where that takes me. Might not write here for a while because of this decision but we'll see.