The entertainment business is a fickle bitch. There are times I consider just focusing on my other interests. I wonder if magic is going to pan out the way I hope. After so many years of trying so very hard to do what I do, I wonder if it's all worth it.

This business has so many games you have to play. So many hoops they want you to jump thru. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel right? I mean we are spoonfed happy endings and hard work and faith will get you thru life... but that's not the truth is it. The cold terrible truth is sometimes, it's just not in the cards for you to win.. ever. At least it feels that way from time to time.

Why is it so many hack egomaniacs get farther than those who just wanna make the world a brighter place? Simple. Us artist types are easy to overlook, step on, and sometimes lack the fundamental business drive that drives this business. It sucks too. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I know there is a market for everything... but finding it is a hard battle. Trying to stand out from the crowd works great and might get you some admiration (if yer into that sort of thing) but if you don't know how to apply it and no one wants to lend a helping hand... well yer kinda screwed.

One of my biggest pseudo-fears is that I will be more appreciated after I am dead than alive. Like Van Gogh or The Ramones. I know it's silly, but this business will do that to you. It's why so many other performers have other jobs or just up and leave and make better money doing Red Skelton impersonations. On has to wonder... is this the right course of action?

Alas, the only person who knows that answer... is us.